Thursday, December 25, 2003

Merry Christmas!!! Ah... The seals have arrived for the massive feast. Hmm... seems like they sent only their lower-ranked conscripts. Pity. We penguins had really hoped that their main men would have graced our humble palace with their dignified presence. They didnt even bring Our Lady Penguin to the feast. But i guess its better than nothing. At least they showed up. Its a start. The number of seals in the Great Hall was massive. I'd wager that it was close to a thousand of them there, waiting to be fed, belying their distaste of standard Seal Armed Forces (SAF) rations that they have been living off for the past few months due to the war. Had they decided to start a ruckus in the hall, the penguins would be in deep shit as they easily outnumbered us ten to one. Very bad odds, no? Luckily , they were all surprisingly well-behaved. Yes, there were chants of "We want food!!!, We want food!!!" and a few drunk seals harassing the cute penguin waitresses but other than that, there were no major disturbances.

Finally, the appetisers were brought in. Shark's fin and caviar soup. The soup disappear as fast as it had arrived on the tables. Seal soldiers were gulping the soup as if they hadn't had a drop of liquid to drink in weeks. The service staff had to scramble from table to table refilling the empty tureens. They were fighting a losing battle. No matter how fast they ladled out the soup, it was never going to be fast enough to match the ravenous appetites of a thousand hungry seals. Soon, there was no more soup left and the main courses had to be wheeled out way before schedule. Served buffet-style, there was an abundance of delicacies just waiting to satisfy the pallates of even the most picky eater. Everything from anchovies to yellow trout (As far as us penguins know, there werent any fish that had names beginning with the letter "Z") were prepare in several different styles. Boiled, broiled, grilled, steamed, fried... you name the technique and you could definitely find fish prepared in that way. The smell of the main courses wafted through the Great Hall and a feeding frenzy ensued. It was a horrific sight. They looked like sharks (who incidentally make great soup) who had smelt blood, on steroids. Its was utter, unbridled mayhem. The concept of slowly savouring the food was lost. All that mattered was eating as much as possible and washing it down with mug after mug of the free beer. A entire buffet spread, enough to feed the whole population of a rural Third World country for a year was completely devoured in the space of fifteen minutes. Must inform Guinness. Must be a record of some kind. It just has to be...

Last but not least, the piece-de-resistance, the dessert. The Seals seem to have regain at least some of their dignity after the incredibly disturbing display during the main course. Most i.e. the surivors of the battle, sat quietly, waiting for the dessert to be served. Others were strewn all over the Hall floor, either drunk or beaten senseless. The service staff placed the desserts in front of the anxious guests. (Whats left of them anyway...) As they lifted the lids to reveal the dessert, an audible gasp rang through the room. Fish cocktail, filled to the brim with chunks of the rarest delicacy, the Coelacanth. Once thought to be extinct, this elusive fish has distinctive bulging blue eyes and heavy bluish scales. It is so rare that it is worth MORE than its weight in gold. Even the seals respected its rarity and ate it with dignity and class. They slowly savoured the juicy, creamy texture of the flesh. They marvelled at the complexity of the preparation and at how well the thai fish sauce enhanced the flavour of the fish. It was an odd sight. From barbarians to gentlemen, all in the space of one course. The transformation was astounding.

Suddenly, one by one, the stupid seals fell off their chairs, clutching their stomachs and cowering in pain. MUAHAHAHA!!! The Coelacanth was poisoned, you bloody idiots!!! The sauce was spiked with the poison from the liver of the pufferfish!!! A poison so lethal that it kills a seal in all of five second. All the penguins were savouring every second of the torture inflicted upon their former tormentors. So many penguin lives they have taken. Now they pay!!! Soon, all that was left was a thousand dead seals (the drunk and injured ones had already been carried away and secretly shot in the kitchen with a silenced M-60 machine gun even before dessert had been served) and a huge mess to clean up. Small price to pay for an easy massacre. Revenge never tasted so sweet. The penguins are back with a vengeance!!! Seals beware!!!

posted by FifaFanSG at 12/25/2003 12:00:00 AM

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

'Twas the night before Christmas. Penguins are busy decking the halls of the Arctic Republic Palace with boughs of holly. This day a year ago, our beloved matriarch Our Lady Penguin was rolling in the snow. With nary a worry in her majesty's yard. Many miles away, now she's probably dreading Christmas Day. She's spending Christmas Eve alone. First Christmas away from home. Alone in a cell guarded by the seals. But at least it's warm and clean and free, and there are probably worse places to be. (Though i am unable to think of any at this moment...) At least there are no beatings from her captors. At least there are no unspeakable tortures. (At least thats what the Seals have assured us...) And if she cries because it's Christmas Day, she hopes that it won't show. She must be strong. First Christmas away from home. Christmas makes you feel emotional. It may bring parties or thoughts devotional. Whatever happens or what may be, the thing that all penguins want is for Our Lady to be free.

Tomorrow, being the joyful day of Christmas, we have decided to put aside our diferences with the Seals. A wonderfully sumptous feast has been prepared in honour of the Seals. We have grown weary of battle. We are hoping to let bygones be bygones and engage in a negotiation for a permanant cease fire and also for the release of our beloved leader, our guiding light, Our Lady Penguin. The Seals have confirmed their attendance. Who in their right mind can resist a free meal and a good opportunity to end violent, senseless bloodshed to boot? Penguins and Seals hand-in-hand singing Christmas carols and stuffing their frozen, icy wind-beaten, battle-scarred faces with the best gourmet spread prepared by the finest French Penguin chefs specially flown in just for this occassion. Now that would be a fitting way to celebrate this most wonderous day. And best of all, Our Lady Penguin would be back with her kinspenguins. She would no longer be alone this Christmas. She will be at home.





posted by FifaFanSG at 12/24/2003 12:00:00 AM

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Any inconvenience caused is deeply regretted. We promise a bigger and better Penguin Bloodlust when we return.

posted by FifaFanSG at 12/09/2003 12:11:00 AM